It is now commonplace for teachers to provide various multi-modal options in lieu of the good old 5 paragraph essay when testing students. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I am a firm believer that while kids need to be able to confidently write a 5 paragraph essay, they also need to be able to show their understanding of any given text in a manner that is most comfortable to their skills. Not every kid is a wordsmith any more than every kid being an artist. By providing various options, students will inevitably be more clear and direct in exhibiting their comprehension. I distinctly remember being given the option to draw or create something instead of an essay when I was in high school.
Over the years I have given some kick ass options. I will come up with 10-15 different project ideas where the kids have to complete one or more than one to show understanding. I’ve offered soundtrack creations, movie posters, 3-D pieces, journals, book reviews, poem creations; you name it, I offered it. It kept things interesting for me and the kids. I didn’t have to wade through 60 poorly written essays and they didn’t have to write them.
When I got to SMS and taught 8th grade, I saw examples of student projects and new ways of creating projects. One way in particular is the way to make a piece of paper look aged. At first I assumed the student had watered down some brown water color paint and covered the paper with it. My colleague who also taught 8th grade English let me borrow student examples from previous years to show my students. We were about to finish the play of “The Diary of Anne Frank” and I thought that creating a newspaper or a diary, amongst other things, would be cool.
I handed out the assignment and rubric sheet that listed each choice and what was required. I went over each item with the kids, showing examples where I had them. I had an example of an old journal where the pages had been done to look aged. When I held it up to my first class, I said,
“This student made her assignment look like it was from the 1940s by painting it brown, lightly, in the back. It makes it look more authentic.” A student raised his hand and told everyone the same look could be achieved with teabags or coffee, but coffee was messier. Not looking to create messes at anyone’s house, I suggested using the teabag.
Second period came in and I gave them the same schpeil, “Look at this aged paper, you can do it with a teabag…blah blah blah.” The next class came in, “This is made to look aged by using a teabag. By tea bagging the paper, it discolors it … blah blah blah.” The period before lunch came into class and I did the exact same thing. They were absolute slugs by noon because they were hungry and all around lazy. It was like pulling teeth every day. It was my least favorite class. It is always good to engage kids by asking questions as opposed to lecturing. With this class I figured that I had better question them. I held up my example and said, “This is done by teabagging. Can anyone tell me what teabagging is?” I looked around the room and saw a few boys giggling and immediately realized what I had just said.
Let me be honest. I have the social maturity and mind of a 9 year old. Everything had some sexual innuendo and I am familiar with the most vile names and phrases for anything perverse, to date anyway. For this to get by me, ALL DAY, without knowing what I was saying was humiliating in several ways. What did I do? I turned it on the kids.
“What are you laughing at? Do you think I don’t know what you’re laughing at? How about we call your MOTHERS and you can explain what you are laughing at, huh?” Three boys in particular stifled themselves and shook their heads. “Good. I will see you after school.” It took forever for class to end so I could tell my friend, the Spanish teacher, what had just happened.
“NO YOU DIDN’T!!” She couldn’t stop laughing. We told our other friend at lunch, the 70+ Science teacher who smirked and shook her head as did he younger counterpart. It was most awkward with the Italian teacher, a lovely woman from Malta, who was not schooled in such vile terms. I was so mad at myself. I couldn’t believe, a phrase that I had made a joke of so often, got by me. Of course I said stupid things before, like “Barbie and her little pink box”, but nothing this clueless for the majority of the day. It was obvious that I had to choose a different way to explain how to age a paper with tea.
For those of you who have more class than myself, teabagging is defined by Urbandictionary.com as: “1. the insertion of one man's sack into another person's mouth. Used a practical joke or prank, when performed on someone who is asleep, or as a sexual act, 2.
To have a man insert his scrotum into another person's mouth in the fashion of a teabag into a mug with an up/down (in/out) motion,” and “3. v. To lower one's scrotum into another's mouth”. Don’t ask why I know this or judge me because with the exception of our little Maltese, all the other teachers knew too.
My final class came in after lunch and I had to run through the entire project assignment with them. I held up the example and avoided how it was created altogether, but I knew I wasn’t going to get off that easy. One of my least favorite students, who was not a bad kid we just rubbed each other the wrong was, raised his hand and asked while smiling, “Miss D, how is that done, the paper? How do you make it old looking?” I swallowed and looked around. They knew. It must have gotten out at lunch, and why wouldn’t it? I would have paid to hear my 8th grade English teacher use the phrase teabagging.
“There are several ways, actually. You can use paint, coffee, or tea.” As if that answer was going to pacify this student.
“Right, but is there a NAME for it?”
“No, not that I know of. Do you have a name for it D___?”
“No. But I thought there was one.” No one dared to offer up the name they were thinking of because they knew exactly what would happen; they would end up after school with me, barking at them about inappropriate words….the exact words I was throwing around like candy. This is perhaps one of my finest moments, and my colleagues’ most enjoyable moment to bring up.
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